When we talk about women's wellbeing in midlife on The Forties Formula, the conversation usually starts in familiar territory:

Hormones. Sleep. Stress. Perimenopause.

And while all of those matter, counsellor and walk-and-talk therapist SIMON PARKIN believes there may be something else eroding women's quality of life: the feeling of carrying family life alone.

Not literally alone, of course. But that's the problem.

Many women are partnered. Many have spouses. But that doesn't necessarily mean they feel supported.

Because there is a difference between sharing a household and sharing the mental load of running one.

The result is a dynamic that feels familiar to countless mothers: one partner "doing tasks," while the other carries real responsibility.

The Work You Can't See

The phrase "invisible load" has become increasingly common in conversations about parenting, but Simon believes it remains widely misunderstood.

Many fathers genuinely want to help. They take the children to activities, cook meals, handle bedtime routines, and show up where they can. Yet what often goes unnoticed is the planning, remembering, anticipating, and organising that happens before any of those tasks occur.

The football practice doesn't just happen, for instance. Someone joins the WhatsApp group. Someone tracks attendance. Someone remembers the water bottle, the change of clothes, the birthday present, the permission slip.

And when that work goes unseen, resentment has a way of creeping in.

Not because one person is doing nothing, but because one person's contribution is visible while the other's is largely invisible.

What many women are looking for, Simon suggests, isn't necessarily a perfect fifty-fifty split.

Sometimes they simply want acknowledgement. To feel seen.

To know that the effort required to keep family life moving is recognised as real work.

When Couples Stop Talking

One of the more striking observations Simon makes is how easily couples become operational teammates instead of partners.

The busier family life becomes, the more communication narrows into logistics.

Pick-up times, school forms, weekend schedules, and a lot of chatter around who's driving who where.

Eventually, conversations that should have happened months ago emerge only after frustration has built to breaking point.

That's why Simon advocates something surprisingly simple: regular check-ins.

Just intentional time to sit down and ask: How are we doing? What do you need from me right now?

The goal isn't to assess who's working harder - and in fact, Simon warns that relationships often deteriorate when couples start keeping score.

The Story Beneath the Argument

One of the most powerful moments in the episode comes when Amanda shared discuss a seemingly ridiculous disagreement with her husband over children's haircuts.

On the surface, it looked like a fight about money and appearance. But in reality, it was something else entirely.

It was about childhood. Memory. Connection.

A father's attempt to give his sons something he never received himself.

And that's the thing about many parenting conflicts: the argument is rarely about the argument.

It's about the experiences, beliefs, wounds, and expectations each person brings into the relationship.

As Simon explains, many of us default to the parenting models we grew up with until we consciously decide otherwise. Understanding those patterns doesn't eliminate conflict, but it often creates more compassion around it.

Supporting Men Supports Families

Perhaps the most refreshing part of the conversation was Simon's insistence that supporting fathers is not a threat to mothers.

Too often, discussions about men's mental health become framed as a competition.

Who has it harder? Who is carrying more? Who deserves support most?

Simon rejects that framing entirely.

When fathers have healthy friendships, places to talk, and opportunities to process their own challenges, they show up differently at home.

And ultimately, that benefits everyone.

As he put it, it's time to update the old "happy wife, happy life" adage to something far healthier: "Happy spouses, happy houses."

Want to hear the full conversation?

Listen to the full episode of The Forties Formula with Simon Parkin for a thoughtful discussion on modern fatherhood, invisible labour, emotional availability, communication, and why healthier fathers may be one of the most overlooked contributors to healthier families.

​

​
​